Hello, my name is Lesley and I don’t like fantasy. I have tried and tried and failed and failed to read The Hobbit. I haven’t been able to get past the first page. I watched one of The Lord of the Rings films and…and…I fell asleep. (I know, it’s bad, isn’t it?) I don’t understand what the fuss about JRR Tolkien is all about…There I have said it; admitted it, and now I can at last move on.
But wait, a new film version of The Hobbit has been released; shall I give it one last shot? Only for you, dear Ink Pellet reader, to see if I am tempted to pick up the book and fight my personal literary demon. So I find myself at high noon, in a freezing Maidstone cinema, sitting like a crosspatch, determined not to enjoy this story. The only prior knowledge I have is that The Hobbit features a creature called Bilbo Baggins who lives in the ground and talks to itself. (So I didn’t get past the first page then…)
Of the film I know that it is the first of three parts. A Hobbit aficionado acquaintance of mine has refused to see this instalment on that basis – how can you turn a book half a centimetre thick into films of three parts? She is going to abstain from the whole process until all three are released. Mmm. No Hobbit-Anonymous sessions for her then. I digress (possibly in the style of BilboBaggins, I fear).
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey is an incredible piece of film-making by Peter Jackson. I only like to see films featuring real people in real clothes (modern or period) doing real things. So seeing a screen filled with indeterminate colour (were those landscapes silver, sepia or grey?), where rocks explode in 3D (even in the 2D version I saw) and sound runs right around you until it gets under your skin, made me feel like a 1920s movie theatre-goer seeing her first talkie.
I just do not watch films like this. It’s the dwarves: they look ugly, they have funny hair, funny noses and utterly revolting eating habits. They look like they need a good wash and have silly names.The elves have that weird super-straight hair; the clothes are medieval-looking,they have pointy ears, don’t move their faces to express themselves and barely move. The people who like this stuff probably go to conventions where it’s obvious to those in the know who they’ve come as. The monsters are really horrible: the orcs were vile; the creatures The Pale Orc rode were vicious; the battles (loads of them) are bloody – beheadings, swords,mighty roars abound; the orcs referred to the heroes as ‘dwarf scum’ (not sure this was original Tolkien). And I hate, hate this Gollum character – he really does turn my stomach.
What does it tell me about JRR Tolkien’s book then? Once again though,the appeal of The Hobbit is the story – the lost homeland; the epic journey, heroes and villains; the innocent abroad, magic and horror in abundance. I did watch through to the end, puzzled all the while as to why I am so put off by the world of Middle Earth.I understand from my Hobbit-purist nephew that Jackson kept to the original story. Young Angus didn’t rave about the film but he approved. And turning it into a three-parter did not seem to bother him. However, a cursory glance at Google results points to additional characters and links to ‘deviations from the book’ sites (written probably by someone in an elf costume). Of course, there are ‘deviations’ as anyone knows: you watch any film version with a hefty pinch of salt (as revealed in Ink Pellets past).
The film confirmed my own aversion to the fantasy genre. So that’s okay. Would I watch the sequels? Probably not. Would I try the book again? Of course.